Catch her Drift

Lesbians, nerds, political junkies, blazer lovers and anyone who appreciates thoughtful public discourse and/or any combination of all of the above have long considered Rachel Maddow a pin-up girl of sorts. And now we can finally include the group, book geeks. Her new, not to mention first, book “Drift: The Unmooring of American Military Power” hit bookshelves yesterday. It’s about the peculiar and perturbing state of perpetual war we find ourselves in in America. But don’t take my word for it. Let The Maddow explain herself.

Now, I happen to be lucky enough to have scored myself a signed copy of “Drift.” Yes, Rachel “Dreamboat” Maddow signed something that resides in my home this very minute. Please, try not to let your all-encompassing jealousy be too all encompassing.

But, because I’m a giver – well, more accurately, because Crown Publishing is a giver – I happen to have a spare. That’s right, I have another signed hardcover first edition of Rachel’s “Drift” to give away to one of you. So, kittens, this is your chance. If you’re interested in winning your very own signed copy of “Drift,” please hit me up in the comments section with your email address (spell it out if you fear Das Spam) by next Wednesday, April 4. I’ll randomly pick a winner from all your entries. Then I’ll announce the winner on Twitter, so follow me @dorothysnarker and please include your Twitter handle or what you’d like to be called on the Tweeter Machine in your entry. Consider this contest a little thank you from me to you for coming back day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year to enjoy my tiny corner of the internet. The gift of Maddow is the least I could do, really.

p.s. Oh, and if you have a chance, tell me where you are reading from in the world. I love knowing where all you fine folks are from.

UPDATE: Entries in the contest are now closed. Thanks for playing along!

Gender Fuck Thursday

Yes, yes. I know. This is a lot of Charlize for one week. But I just cannot resist a crisp white shirt and a pair of suspenders. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. The moon and stars. The Captain and Tennille. OK, you see where I’m going with this. And while they’re perfectly nice by themselves (well, I don’t know about The Captain – he seems needy), together something special happens. And that something is hot. Really hot. But you don’t have to trust me. Just trust Charlize & Co.

Emma WatsonIf Hermione looked like this she would have watched softball instead of Quidditch.

Diane KrugerThe tuxedo shirt and bow ties says business. The sleeveless arms say parrrrr-tay.

Kate MoennigShhh. Don’t speak. You’ll ruin the religious experience.

Winona RyderWell, I didn’t say you had to button the shirt.

Kristen BellOr that the shirt had to have any buttons, period.

Rachel MaddowNow comes the part in the religious experience where you should be leaving small offerings as a sign of respect.

Keira KnightleyOK, fine. She’s not wearing a crisp white shirt. My bad.

Hello, 60 percent

So last week, this splashy headline came out that said “More than half of women are attracted to other women!” Hallelujah! Praise lesbian Jesus! All our dry spells are over. We have a better than 50-50 change of scoring with that cute brunette at the bar. Go get ‘em, tigers.

I mean, who wouldn’t be attracted to other women?

Women look like this.

And like this.

Also this.

Or this.

Other times that.

And even a little of this and that.

Of course, the reality is this news probably will not improve our ability to pick up hot straight chicks. The original report came from the UK’s Daily Mail, a publication notorious for loving sensational headlines and fuzzy math. That article about a Boise State study by a professor Elizabeth Morgan that was published in the Journal of Sex Research said that “60 percent (of heterosexual women) were sexually attracted to other women; 45 percent had kissed a woman and 50 per cent had fantasies about the same sex.” But, again, it’s the Daily Mail. So, you know, please feel free to chug your salt shaker.

Doing a little research of my own, I did indeed find a real study published in the Journal of Sex Research by a Elizabeth M. Morgan, a Boise State psychology professor, that looks at sexual orientation questioning among heterosexual women ages 18 to 23. The number of women in the study was different than the Daily Mail’s numbers (study: 333, Daily Mail: 484) and findings seem a little different. The real study found that “67 percent of exclusively heterosexual respondents indicated having thought about and/or questioned their sexual orientation.” Of those who have questioned their orientation, the questioning behavior broke down as “unelaborated questioning (19 percent), other-sex experiences (16 percent), exposure to sexual minorities (26 percent), assessment of same-sex attraction (48 percent) and evaluations of same-sex behavior (26 percent).”

Now I can’t be 100 percent sure these are the same studies, because of the differences in sample sizes and report percentages. (Prof. Morgan’s full article is only available for purchase and while I want to prove a point, and I don’t really care so much that I feel like shelling out $34.) And, even if it is the same study, the fairly small participant pool means I wouldn’t go making a bunch of universal proclamations based on it alone.

But, still, it adds research to that long-assumed truth that women are more sexually fluid than men. Or, at the very least, women are more willing and comfortable with being honest about their sexual fluidity. Or maybe we should just chalk it up to college. Besides learning how to shotgun a beer and sleep with your eyes open, students pretty much major in sexual experimentation during those years of academic excellence. This is also where that beer shotgunning thing can come in handy.

In the end, we don’t really need a study (or a fake study) to tell us that while we may not be able to hook up with all these some 60 percent of straight gal, we know they’re at least taking a look at us ladies. How could they not? I mean, look at us.

UPDATE: Wow, ask the universe and it delivers. I now am in possession of seven (SEVEN) copies of Prof. Morgan’s report. So looks like I’ll have some light reading to do this week. Thank you, thank you, kittens. You are, continually, the best.

Gentlemen (and Ladies) Prefer Bookworms

John Waters famously said: “We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” I could not agree more. Books are sexy motherfuckers. Their straight spines, their crisp pages, their tight bindings. All those bold black letters etched across soft ivory expanses. See, sexy motherfuckers. Like everyone else, I read a lot of my copy from backlit screens these days. But there’s still nothing quite like picking up a real book. The smell of it. The weight of it. Holding something in your hands gives it import. It makes it feel more real. We are a tactile people, after all.

So then, by extension, people who love or at the very least own books are also sexy motherfuckers. Back in the days when I used to watch MTV Cribs (what, don’t judge – I was young and probably drunk), I was always struck by how few of these stars had books. There were 60-inch plasma TVs, but no bookcases. There were double-wide subzero freezers, but no bookcases. There were walls and walls of DVDs and CDs, but no bookcases. People, homes need bookcases. Even if it is just some planks and cinder blocks, it’s a place to put your books.

I’ve long-since run out of bookshelf space for my books. They’re stacked double-deep on most shelves. Granted, these days I too often shamefully fall into the “buy books and let them sit on my nightstand for way too long” category of reader. I sometimes dream of taking a week-long vacation just to read books on my couch. It’s be like back in my grade school days when I spent my entire summer vacation either reading on the porch or going to the library for more books. Oh, those halcyon days of leisurely bookwormhood.

So today, we’re going to celebrate women with really great racks – of books. (Sorry, I had to.) Let’s hear it for the lovely lady libraries. These women, and their bountiful bookcases, more than pass the Waters Test. What can I say, sometimes you need to indulge in a little bit of uninhibited book porn.

Rachel MaddowBooks and a puppy and a cocktail. That’s just straight-up porn for lesbians.

Nigella LawsonMy, Nigella, what big books you have.

Olivia WildeContemporary design and plentiful bookcases. It’s so sexy it’s almost NSFW.

Rachel WeiszI can’t be the only one who wishes she was wearing glasses and her hair up so she could do the sexy librarian head shake for us.

Rita HayworthReading about Abraham Lincoln is totally hot.

Audrey TautouThis isn’t technically her library, but I can’t resist the lovely lines.

MadonnaI don’t think this is Madonna’s library either. But who knows. She can definitely afford to have a room in her house just dedicated to ancient parchments.

Diane KeatonFine, so she isn’t in it right now, but don’t you wish you were?

Ava Gardner Olivia de HavillandAdmit it, old-school Hollywood stars had better lounging-around-to-read clothes.

Marilyn MonroeDid you know she was an avid reader? She had a personal library of over 400 books. Bombshell and bookworm. Be still my heart.

EDIT: Damn, I mixed up my Olivia and Ava reading pictures. Apologies. We will see the lovely Ava another time, I promise.

Girls do make passes at girls who wear glasses

So, I still can’t stop thinking about those smart girls. If there is one accessory that almost automatically adds points to a woman’s IQ, it’s a nice pair of glasses. Give a gal with glasses a book (particularly a book about kissing, like Mia Kirshner above) and be still my big nerdy heart. Now, as some of you might remember, I’m a glasses wearer. I wear contacts most of the time, but I’ve always got my specs on in the evening to write and watch TV and hang about the house. As a kid, I wore glasses full-time – big clunky things that for some incomprehensible reason covered more of my cheeks than my actual eyes. Seriously, were we trying to look through some heretofore unknown fourth eye with those enormous hubcap lenses in the 80s? Back then they used to say “Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.” But that was before the whole sexy librarian thing really took off. And now, well, I still can’t speak for the guys, but this gal sure likes making passes at girls who wear glasses. In particular, these gals. No need to take your glasses off and shake out your hair, ladies. I mean, feel free to shake out your hair, but definitely keep the glasses on while you do it. Here’s looking at you, four eyes.

Mary-Louise ParkerBig brown eyes behind big brown frames make my knees weak, instantly.

Cate BlanchettBlue eyes behind blue frames ain’t half bad either.

Shirley MansonOf course, gingers can wear whatever color frames they want.

Angelina JolieAnd then sometimes you don’t need any color at all, just the world’s most expertly arched eyebrow.

Anna TorvEverything in this picture works for me. Glasses. V-neck. Ponytail. Laptop. Books. Heck, I even like the lamp.

Padma LakshmiEverything in this picture works for me, too. Plus, I know Padma could cook me an amazing dinner afterwards. And then we’d talk shit about Tom Colicchio.

Sarah ShahiNow that’s what I call a nice pair – of glasses.

Helena Bonham CarterThis whole ensemble is crazy. But crazy good, not crazy Bellatrix Lestrange.

Rachel MaddowOh, to have her look over her Clark Kent glasses and talk dirty, dirty politics to me.

Tina FeyOh, please, like I wasn’t going to include her.

Marlee Matlin & Jennifer BealsThis is them, the insane hubcap-sized glasses we used to wear in the 80s. Of course, they look fine on Marlee and Jennifer. Whatever, I’m not jealous. Though, we probably shouldn’t talk about the hair.

Oh, and one other sexy thing about glasses? When things get steamy, so do they.

Cocktail hour

Emma Thompson got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame last weekend. So, naturally, she celebrated with a pint and a pig. Naturally. Now, my love for Emma is unwavering. She may falter at times, but her heart is always unquestionably in the right place – even when she is talking smack about Audrey Hepburn. She is among those celebrities I put in my “I’d love to have a beer with” category. I mean, wouldn’t she be a blast at the bar? These are the folks whose big, magnificent brains and bubbly, radiant sense of fun make them the perfect candidates for a cocktail, or six.

Emma ThompsonSuch a pity her Safe website is still down. That last picture of her would have been a real conversation starter.

Helen MirrenIf you think she is a saucy minx sober, just wait until you get a couple cocktails into her.

Wanda SykesMy only worry is I’d laugh so hard I’d pee my pants, especially after a few drinks.

Rachel MaddowI believe it’s a life goal to taste a drink mixed by the master.

Jane LynchThat stuff I said about Wanda, ditto.

Leisha HaileyAnd if she brought along Kate Moennig and Erin Daniels, all the better.

Hillary ClintonOh, Hill. I will buy you a drink anyplace, anytime, anywhere. Standing offer, forever.